I’m unsure how Delphine de Vigan’s No et moi ended up on my TBR. The best I can surmise is that it was mentioned in an issue of Karavan, which is where I get most of my French language recommendations. But as luck would have it, someone in the neighborhood buy-nothing group was giving away a copy in French and I was the only one who wanted it.
No et moi is the story of what happens when Lou, a precocious 13-year-old, befriends a young homeless woman named Nolwenn, or just “No.”
Spoilers abound here, even though the book has been out for nearly twenty years, because I think the spoilers matter a lot in the experience and because the ending is what I want to talk about the most. Assume the spoilers apply for the 2010 movie, too, though I haven’t seen it.
I mentioned in my international WhatsApp book club that I was reading this book, now that I’d finished Varats olidliga lätthet, and another member asked me what I thought of it, since she’d read it too. I was at the halfway point of the book when I answered:
So far I’d say it’s only okay, it feels a little…saccharine? I like how she writes, Lou is a very charming narrator, but the Feel Good vibe makes me dubious.
Because at this point in the book, everything is going right. No helps Lou with her presentation on young homeless women, and despite her skyrocketing anxiety Lou aces it. Lou’s parents agree to let No move in with them and they love her. She’s able to help coax Lou’s mother out of the severe depression that she fell into after the loss of a younger daughter to SIDS. The process of helping No also brings Lou into closer contact with her crush and popular boy Lucas, who just so happens to have an entire apartment more or less to himself following an implausible series of events: a father who ran away to Brazil and a mother who decided to move in with another man but occasionally returns to the apartment to see her son. (This is the part of the review where I’m most likely to have stuck my foot in my mouth, because it’s always this kind of happenstance that actually happens in real life, even if it sounds absurd in a book.) Lou has skipped a couple of grades—and I think Lucas had to repeat a year or two?—so he’s old enough to quasi-responsibly live by himself, but still. The convenience is a bit much.
Then the shit hits the fan. No finds a not-entirely-legal job cleaning at a hotel, which often ends up with her working extra hours in the bar, and soon she’s back to drinking and (presumably) prostitution. Lou even catches her stealing some of her mother’s pills, but says nothing. No looks up her mother and tries to visit her, but the childhood trend of rejection continues and No’s mother refuses to open the door to her daughter. The bottom finally falls out when Lou and her parents go to visit a freshly divorced aunt. Without the structure of family life, without Lou, No tailspins. She fails to call and check in with them after a few days, the phone goes unanswered, and they come home to find No in such a state that Lou’s parents ask her to leave. From their perspective, No isn’t a safe person for their young daughter to be around.
Lucas to the rescue! They move No in with him, but it’s rough work keeping No’s presence hidden from the weekly cleaning lady. No’s condition isn’t improving, if anything it’s getting worse, and finally Lucas’s mother cottons on that something is happening and announces a visit. No calls Lou and begs her to help her with her plan to move to Ireland. By now, Lou’s relationship with her parents is at an all-time low. She’s been lying to them about where she’s been after school, and despite her mother’s return to relative normalcy, the relationship between mother and daughter is still frosty and stilted. From Lou’s perspective, her mother doesn’t love her, never treats her with warmth or affection or encouragement. Might as well go with No!
This trip to Ireland has long been in the making. No’s plan has always been to move there to find her crush? childhood sweetheart? Loïc, who she claims works in a bar and lives in a fantastic country manor and has been writing her piles and piles of letters about his life, encouraging her to come join him. Now, she tells Lou, she’s finally saved up enough money to go. They spend the day shopping (to Lou’s misgivings, as she expects No is overplaying how much money she actually has) and then finally take the subway to gare Saint-Lazare, where No tells Lou they’ll switch trains to continue their journey to Ireland. Instead, No ditches Lou, who has to walk all the way back home.
No completely drops off the face of the earth. Lou finally has the relationship she wants with her mother. Lucas and Lou find out from a friend of No’s that Loïc never sent her a single letter; she only found out where he was working by happenstance. The book ends with a kiss between Lucas and Lou.
The mood whiplash with the visit to Lou’s aunt was impossible for me to square with what came before. So much in the early story defied expectations, even reality, that you start to think you’re in for some light feel-good fare. Then I expected some friction when No moved in with Lou, and that the conflict would be learning to adjust to a new life and new routines, or maybe struggling with guilt, but no: everything is perfect. By the time No starts to struggle, your only thought is, ah hah, finally, here’s the conflict, but all of the other problems in the book so far have been solved so this one will be, too.
No et moi won the prix des Libraires, so it clearly has some cultural cachet. And I want to stress that it’s written beautifully. de Vigan captures the voice of a gifted, anxious child perfectly, striking that difficult balance between intellectual and emotional capacity without condescension on the one hand or making them into a tiny adult on the other. After all, no matter how bright a 13-year-old is, they’re still 13 years old. But the limits of Lou’s first-person perspective is maybe part of what makes the mood whiplash so strong. We learn, eventually, about No’s traumatic childhood, and so we can assume that her homelessness and her alcoholism are connected to those early years, but being told that isn’t the same as being in No’s head or living in No’s own feelings. Nor do we even see previews of that trauma in the beginning; there’s no foreshadowing of what’s to come. Instead No just drops in like a cursed fairy godmother to bring Lou everything she wants before disappearing into the ether.